Swanky

The other night for one of the lads birthdays we decided to go all out and sample the more posh side of Dubai. The Hyatt Regency Hotel was were we ended up. To be honest there was a reason we choose this particular place. Yes, you guessed it, it had an all you can eat, all you can drink deal going on. Twenty-five of us entered the lobby and immediately knew that we were way out of our depth.

There was a glare off the floor and another one off the people inside wondering who this rough crowd was. One of the lads had no time to dry his pants after coming from the wash so he left a trail of water on the way to the lifts.

The restaurant is located on the last of the 26 floors in the hotel. The view is unbelivable. On one side is the sea, and on the other is the stunning skyline of Deira, the centre of Dubai. It doesn't matter where you sit, as the top floor rotates. At 4 degrees a minute, I calculated. The novelty wore off as the drink intake increased. Why you ask? Well see the middle of the floor stays in the same place, the place with the toilets. So the door for the toilet kept changing places. Every single one of the group at some time walked into the kitchen to go to the toilet.

Ski Dubai

We came home from work yesterday and we all went straight up to the pool and had a barbeque. It was lovely up there. About 44 degrees. A few beers later and 10 of us decided to head into ski dubai. I never imagined that my first skiing experience was going to be in the desert. It was one of the funniest 2 hours of my life.

The thing is that people over here don't really get the Irish humour. We had an instructor, a local lad, i think. The second we hit the snow, a snow fight broke out. You'd swear we had been left out of a lunatic asylem. The poor instructor took 10 mins to get us under control. His evening was only about to get worse.

So the instructing started. We were on the beginner slope, none of us had ever skied before. At the end of the slope is a glass wall. On the other side, were the riches of Dubai having their dinner in the Lapland restaurant. The purpose of the first lesson was to get us to be able to control our speed. As I said before, they don't really get the Irish over here. When the instructor said controlling your speed, all us Irish heard "don't go fast". So now our mission was to go as fast as we could!

The poor people eating dinner were subject to 10 Irish slamming into the windows beside them for over an hour. To get back up the slope you have to get on a ski escalator. It’s a flat escalator with rubber tracks to hold the skis on the way up. Nearing the top on one occasion, I noticed that I was starting to slip backwards down. Three seconds later and I had gathered speed and momentum. Nine seconds later, I had knocked everyone off the escalator and now lay on top of the heap of bodies. Thirteen seconds later and we were sent in for an early shower for being so disrupted.

Waxy's

Hungover and a bit worse for ware, the flatmates dragged me to the world famous all day breakfast at Waxy O' Connors on Friday. The breakfast starts at 12. A full Irish breakfast, and I mean FULL. Everything that had ever been considered to be put in a fry since Adam was a boy was thrown in. All you can eat all day. But wait, there's more. At 3.00 out comes the roast with all the works. Spuds, gravy and vegetables and again an all day affair.

Now, I bet you are wondering how much all this costs. If you are a regular reader I think you might have noticed that I have been sampling the more value for money establishments here in Dubai. Well, this one takes the biscuit. All this food is free. Yes free, totally free. I know you are wondering how this Irish bar could ever make money out of this....but they do. You pay 10 euro to get 5 vouchers for any 5 drinks of your choice. You can buy as many of these vouchers as you want until 6 o clock. Then at seven, the vouchers expire. By that time everyone has been drinking for 7 hours. Now this is how they make their money back. They bump up the drink prices and everyone stays and pays them in their drunken state.

The next day at work was the worst yet. Accompanied by the shakes I sat through one of the worst hangovers of my life.

Spice Island

For some reason I think this blog is going to turn into a diary of my culinary experience here in Dubai. In under a week I have visited two unbelievable restaurants. Last night was Spice Island, a restaurant famous for its "all you can eat, all you can drink" philosophy. Now when I heard this I was expecting the food to be just buffet style and not too great, but I couldn't be further from the truth. The restaurant has all these little stations from around the world with the chefs cooking the food right in front of you.

My first stop off was at the fish counter where I sampled lobster for the first time. I cannot put down in writing how good it was, but I'll give it a try. Think of the nicest roast chicken you've ever had......now multiply that by 50......and add 4. It was honestly by far the nicest thing I have ever tasted. I encourage anyone who has never tasted it, to go straight to your local lobster farm, equiped with a pan and a gas cooker, and stay there all night eating.

I went back four times for the lobster before moving on to the sushi bar. To be honest I don't remember whether it was nice or not as the drink had been flowing for the last 4 hours. And all of this for a measly 34 euro.

The walk of death

There have been many mistakes I've made so far here in Dubai. The worst being two nights ago when I decided that it wasn't that hot and I went for a stroll around to explore a bit of the place. About 15 minutes later and I was half a mile from the apartment and the streets were spinning around me as sweat flowed from the ends of my fingers.

During the walk back I must have lost a half stone. I was almost at my apartment but before reaching it I had to cross a motorway which had traffic flying past in both directions. Both directions had a 5 lane road. I crossed the first 5 lanes with no trouble but then I got stuck in the middle of the motorway for 15 minutes in the baking heat. Eventually I just had to just put up my hand and run across, as cars screeched to a stop.

Gordon Ramsey

Last night most of last years staff came out with us, so we'd get to know each other. We went to the Hilton hotel to have dinner in Gordon Ramseys restaurant, about 30 of us. I must say it was one of the niceset meals i've ever had. I had the lamb. It almost had a heartbeat, it was so rare but every bit just melted in your mouth, absolutely gorgeous.

I bet your wondering why 30 broke, twenty-somethings went to a posh restaurant like that. Well here's why. All night, every drink was 25 cent! Not a single person walked out in any sober state. But the fun didn't stop there. Off we went to a club called "Rock Bottoms". Everyone was comparing it to the lodge in Limerick before I went in and I can confirm that, yes, it is the lodge, just moved out to Dubai. All ladies got 2 free drinks on entry.

Today in work, everyone couldn't understand how the Irish were still suffering from "jet lag" and "dehydration". They just don't have a clue what we get up to. Getting up this morning was pretty tough and going to work was worse since the lads and lassies from last year were still hard at the drink as I was leaving at 7.00.

The heave ho (part II)

After 6 eggs in two days and a litre of natural yougart, things are back to normal.

The heave ho

Well I've just had my first bowel movement in Dubai an hour ago and lets just say that I won't be seeing any solid poos for a while. Damn this local food.

Here I am Dubai

Well, I made it. Here in the desert and it's a cool 50 degrees during the day. But thats ok cos it goes down to 42 at night! After 3 days in the place and I don't think I will ever go home again.

I'm living the life of a king, literally. My apartment is enormus. All mahogany furniture, broadband, satelite TV, surround sound system, balcony the size of O' Connell street, and the best bit is the roof. It's got a huge swimming pool! And there's a gym, sauna and steam room up there too. All free of course. I'm a bit embarrassed to say this but....i've got a maid. She comes in every week to clean the place. The place is right in the centre of town. It must cost a fortune to rent.

The last three nights have been mad. We go out about 9 and we haven't been home before 4 any night. The pubs and clubs are great craic and the taxi costs under 2 euro to get to them. Last night all 25 of us came back to a pool party in our place.

I never want to leave.....

Ragweed

Ragweed is an extremely common type of weed found in almost every field in Ireland, especially noticed in Autumn when it turns a bright yellow colour. Depending on where you are in the country they are called many different names for instance in Limerick they are called Buchaláns and Geosadáns. These weeds are dangerous when cut, as in they become poisonous. While growing they are absolutely harmless, mostly because no animal will eat them anyway.

It was this small fact that Derek Davis failed to mention today on his afternoon show. He stated that the weeds are lethal to livestock, attacking their livers and causing a slow, painful death. He never mentioned that this only happens after the weeds are cut.

This caused absolute mayhem around the country. People were ringing up terrified that their whole livestock would be wiped out and concerned about their childrens lives aswell. This lasted two full hours, the callers becoming more anxious and terrified of this new found KILLER WEED! There was no mention that this weed has been around for thousands of years and somehow the animals were surviving.

One lady was so concerned about the effect of the weed that she was going to report her neighbour farmer to the animal welfare people. She rang in wondering if she should approach the farmer first in case that he didn't know how dangerous the weed can be. OH YOU STUPID CITY FOLK! I would pay money to see that lady "approach" her neighbour to voice her concerns.

So todays lesson is. RAGWEED IS ONLY DANGEROUS WHEN CUT, (and even then animals won't eat it. So repeat after me ONLY WHEN CUT!!!!!

The big trip around the place

So myself, the honeyman and the doctor headed off to do the things in Ireland we should have done over our collective 68 years. Here's how we got on......

Yes, Knock. And what a day we had. Hungover and looking like hobos we sweated our way around the holy shrine. To be honest the place looks more like a tacky theme park than a holy shrine. My decision not to wear shoes for a whole week backfired on me as I was ushered into a room by a Limerick nun who thought I had come to follow the ways of Jesus. She told me that I could wear shoes as Jesus himself often sported a pair of leather sandles and "he was Jesus like".

Hungover and tired I made my escape to the main church where mass was about to start. Breaking out in a fit of the drink sweats I turned around to see.......

In my state I thought I was after witnessing the 2nd appearance of Mary at the shrine but it turned out to be a full size statue of Mary that was moving towards me, mounted on a trolley with lights all around her. All I could do was burst out laughing and think of a certain episode of Father Ted and Only Fools and Horses!

The honeyman getting wet with holy water......

And then seawater.......

Gold in Galway

Arriving on the Thursday of the festival which just happened to be the ever popular ladies day, myself and the honeyman felt as if we were "just at a massive wedding". With sales of fake tan up by 450% for the week the ladies paraded their newly found tan with the shortest skirts and the lowest cut tops to make sure they were getting good value for all they had spent on their top of the range fake tans. None of the male contingency had any objections. The day typified an Irish wedding with the ladies looking delightful while their opposite sex drank themselves into a new found state of drunkeness.

Myself and the honeyman didn't do well on the betting front and were concerned on the money front until........we made the greatest discovery of our drinking lives! Before I reveal the discovery I must give you a piece of history first......

Dutch Gold is a popular low-cost import lager beer in Ireland. It retails at a cost of seven euro for six 500ml cans, and this attractive price, along with its smooth, mellow, almost oak-like flavour is the reason for its popularity. Its manufactuers describe it as "made from the finest malted barley, hops and pure water - Dutch Gold is a premium continental lager beer". Dutch Gold is sold in many forms, the most popular being the classic "six for seven" package. However of late, due to recent incursions by rival beer manufactures looking to muscle into the lucrative Irish low-cost beer market, Dutch Gold is now sold in both "Four for Five" and "Twelve for Fourteen" formats.
Despite it being apparently brewed and canned in the Netherlands, very few Dutch people drink it or have even heard of it. Dutch Gold's continued existence and popularity are threatened due to new competitors in the already flooded '6 for 7' market. Tuborg, another cheap import beer from Denmark, is becoming increasingly popular amongst Dutch Gold's original fanbase. Bavaria, made by Bavaria Brewery, another Dutch import, is another rival. A new Czech competitor in the form of Praszky has become a recent threat. Amsterdam Lager, while not being found in a particularly high proportion of off-licenses, adheres to the 'six for seven' ideal and also has its base of loyal brand consumers. On the non-beer front, Dutch Gold is sometimes perceived as losing ground to Druids Celtic Cider, a strong and economical alternative.

Now as you can see the "six for seven" market is becoming increasingly packed and this is where the discovery begins. My favourite beer, the one no house should be without, Dutch Gold, are after lowering the price of a six pack to 6.50 euro. I will admit I let a tear of joy run down my face that day, the 4th of August 2006. What a day.